Dear Shirley,

My husband likes to act like he is wealthy like his friends are, which he is not, we are just middle class. When we go out to dinner at very nice restaurants he insists on picking up the tab for everyone, which is way more than we can afford. I have tried to talk to him about it but he ignores my concerns and continues the behavior.
What else can I do?!


Dear Corrina,

The first thing I want you to do is to go to your junk drawer, everyone has one of these, get your scissors and cut up your husband’s credit and debit cards immediately! I’m joking! Please do not do this! Now that we had a little laugh at your husband’s expense (no pun intended) let’s address your concern. Cutting up his cards is a temporary solution and would not be helpful to your relationship.

This is the thing Corrina, men like to and needs to feel like a king and this means doing king like things that make them feel like the king of their household. However, a man feels like the ultimate king when his queen lifts him up in every way, walks alongside him through thick and thin and always has his back.

It sounds like your husband is possibly filling this need to feel like and prove he is the king by paying for all of your friend’s dinners. The fact your friends have more money then you both do could be difficult for your husband and cause him to feel some insecurities in this area. It is his way of proving to you and others he is the ultimate provider for his queen.

I recommend you do two things. First, sit down with your husband and communicate to him your concerns in a way that doesn’t put him on the defense. Have this talk another time when things are quiet and not right before you go out to dinner with friends or after a dinner he has paid for. Let him know how you feel about him as your king, as your provider and that you appreciate his generosity to all of your friends. Second, work out a compromise so that your husband can pay once in a while, just not every time. This way you both win. He still gets to feel like the king and the other men in your group get their chance to be the king and pay for everyone’s dinners! Save the money you would have spent on other friend’s dinners and go on a nice romantic getaway just the two of you!




Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required